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Post by Deleted on Jun 3, 2018 10:58:46 GMT -5
PLEASE READ THIS ARTICLE, AND NOTE THE INSUFFERABLE CONDESCENSION OF THE WRITER -- A GUEST COLUMNIST WHO HAS ONE OF THESE CONFUSED OFFSPRING WHO INSISTS SHE IS, IN FACT, BOTH GENDERS AND DEMANDS TO BE ADDRESSED AS SUCH!
(Yes, contrary opinions are welcomed....I am simply baffled by these parents who -- in my relative ignorance on this topic -- seem to be failing their kids by humoring their insanity rather than treating it, clinically. After all, gender dysphoria is in fact a documented mental illness)
From today's Detroit Free Press:
I AM THE PARENT OF A NON-BINARY CHILD
Susan KnoppowPublished 7:33 a.m. ET May 31, 2018 | Updated 11:26 a.m. ET May 31, 2018
The first time my oldest child told me that gender existed on a spectrum, we were parked in the driveway, sitting in our old Honda minivan with the engine idling and the radio off. Miriam had just returned from a youth group weekend and we were catching up.
“No, sweetheart,” I said to my precocious 14-year-old. “Sexuality is on a spectrum; you can be straight, gay or lots of things in between. Gender is either male or female.”
Miriam corrected me. “No, Mom. Gender is on a spectrum, too.”
At the end of high school, Miriam came out as non-binary. That, too, was a confusing surprise. My husband David and I listened intently, nodded in all the right places, and said we would do everything we could to be supportive. We had no idea what that meant. I would be lying if I pretended it’s been easy.
For the first 18 years of Miriam’s life, I was sure I was raising a daughter. And I was. Until that daughter told me they were neither female or male, and that I should switch to “they/them/their” pronouns when referring to them in the third person.
Pronouns need their own discussion. We’ll save that for another day. But in the meantime, here’s the short version: People who are non-binary use a variety of pronouns, but they/them/their are the most common today. The English language is still figuring this one out. My child (and many other non-binary folks) use they instead of she or he, them instead of her or him, and their instead of hers or his.
After lots of practice, my ear is getting tuned to this change. The distinctions may seem like a clumsy trick of the English language, but the implications run deep.
The pronouns we use reflect our level of respect for the person we are speaking with or about. When someone tells me, “I’ll just call Miriam ‘she’ because that’s what I’m used to,” they are passing judgment on my child. They are saying, “My comfort is more important than your child’s comfort.” Whether or not they intend to be dismissive they are telling me, “Miriam’s identity is not valid because I don’t understand it.” Being mis-gendered – or mistaken for the wrong gender – stings. Hearing “she/her/hers” instead of “they/them/theirs” causes my child pain.
Does that sound harsh? Does it sound like I’m asking friends, family and strangers to engage in an issue that doesn’t involve them? I can assure you that whether or not you think you know someone who is non-binary, you do. The more people I talk to and the more I write about this, the more I realize that David and I are experiencing something that is both utterly unique and increasingly common. You know someone who is non-binary. They just might not have told you yet.
As a parent, I am doing everything I can to expand the universe in which my child and other non-binary people can feel comfortable. That’s what an ally does. I’ve had conversations about gender identity with my parents and with cab drivers, with my closest friends and with checkout clerks. When someone I haven’t seen for months asks, “How’s Miriam?” I say, “They’re fine, thanks.” When a business associate asks, “You have three kids? Boys or girls?” I tell them, “I have two sons, and my oldest is non-binary.” Some people nod because they get it. Most of the time, I have to explain further.
Here’s a peek into the types of questions and reactions I've heard from friends, relatives and strangers when I mention Miriam or talk about what’s been going on in our lives, along with my responses.
Do you think it’s a phase?
No. And even if it were, what difference would that make? I want to keep the lines of communication open and help my child find a comfortable home in the world – with or without me. If I deny their reality, I will be shutting that door.
What you are describing is scientifically impossible. There are two sexes: male and female, and therefore two genders.
That’s not helpful. And anyway, I’m talking about gender, not biological sex. Gender has always been a social construct (which changes by era and culture.) Some say sex is constructed, too.
This is just kids’ latest way to try to be unique. They’ll grow out of it.
The fact that many of the people who (publicly) identify as non-binary happen to be under 25 does not mean this gender identity doesn’t exist for older people. They may not have had the language or the need for it, or they just might not be sharing it with you. Wait a few years until non-binary is more familiar to the mainstream public. You'll be hearing more of this.
My child says the same thing. I think it’s because she’s depressed.
If you think your child is depressed, I encourage you to get them help to deal with that directly. Please don’t deny your child’s identity.
I’m so sorry. I feel terrible for you.
Keep your pity to yourself. It is both misguided and unwelcome. As soon as you smugly think to yourself, “Thank God it’s not my kid” you separate yourself from my family and isolate us from the larger community. Please deal with your discomfort away from me.
You are amazing (brave/courageous/etc.). I couldn’t possibly handle this.
Annoying and unhelpful. See “I’m so sorry,” above.
That’s ridiculous. “They” is a plural pronoun.
Language is always evolving. You’ll get used to it.
Can’t you just use “they” when you’re together and use the old pronoun with everyone else?
Language matters, and I have been asked to change mine. The best way to get used to that change is to use the preferred pronouns all the time. The more others hear “they” in reference to one person, the more familiar it will become, and the more welcome and comfortable my child (and other non-binary folks) will be in our communities.
I hear you. We’re having the same conversation in my house.
Let’s talk.
I am completely confused.
That’s OK. You don’t have to get it all at once.
I love my child. They are exactly the same artsy, sensitive, insightful person they have always been – same concern for the world, same love of farming, poetry, Judaism and family, same funky sense of style. I keep exploring and sharing my experiences in my blog and in my daily encounters. It gets easier and more comfortable all the time.
Susan Knoppow is CEO of Wow Writing Workshop, a communication and writing services company, and is author of the blog "Writing it Down," at susanknoppow.wordpress.com.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 3, 2018 11:36:50 GMT -5
You know what I am tired of? Statistically irrelevant groups acting as if there are more of them than there are.
I do not know any gender binary people. I will continue to use the pronouns he or she just as I do now. I will not allow your child's mental illness to change the way I interact with the world as it is. If your kid was born a girl, then your kid is a she and I don't give a fuck if my referring to them as that makes them uncomfortable.
The world has sharp edges. And no matter how hard the left tries, we will not be wrapping those sharp edges in bubble wrap.
Here's a novel concept: if you are born with male parts and think that you are a female, there is something wrong with you in your head. And you need to figure that shit out. You do not get to say that you are both. That is bullshit. That is your parents codling you into thinking you are special enough that the rules of the world need to be changed just for you. That is bullshit.
If I ever hear someone call me cis-gendered, I plan to let them know that I reject their label, and I refer to myself as normal. I do not approve of a label being applied to me that has somehow given being normal a bad connotation.
There is no Spectrum when it comes to gender and that's all there is to it. I do not give a fuck about any of the wackadoodle pseudoscience that has been applied in this field. If you were born with a dick you are a guy. If you were born without one then you are a girl. If those things are too complicated or restricting for your special snowflake ass, oh well.
The world is also not an all-inclusive place. And it is not likely to become one anytime soon. And that is okay. Competition should never die, and the herd should not have to stop its forward progress every five minutes in order to protect the weakest among it. Eventually the herd gets tired of your straggling ass and leaves you behind to be eaten by the Lions. And I'm totally okay with that.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 3, 2018 11:45:17 GMT -5
Nice reply Tony. I was hoping this was not a post triggering "TLDNR" responses....and I could not have said it better myself.
Hoping to hear from Norcalkyle, OC and Valetudo on this; they likely deal with these "helicopter parent"/trendy wack-job parents out there in California. Maybe there is SOME rational basis for their lack of clarity on this...could it be that CA weed is indeed THAT good?
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Post by Deleted on Jun 3, 2018 11:54:55 GMT -5
I suppose we can count this confused young woman as a likely Democratic party voter, specifically a part of its "You're weird, I'm weirder and it's OK" wing.
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Post by ocmmafan on Jun 3, 2018 12:02:55 GMT -5
I understand how parents can become totally irrational in assessing their own children - especially mothers. However, it is OKAY to explain to children they are wrong and that seems to be something a certain percentage of people are incapable of. We all see it everyday with how some children behave publicly and the parents that condone or ignore it. I think ALL kids go through difficult and confusing teenage years and some have it much worse than others. That's NOT new. "bullying" is NOT new. The overweight kid, the underweight kid, the less athletic kid, the dumber kid, the uglier kid, etc, find themselves in uncomfortable situations. That's life of many kids no matter how hard we want to shelter or protect them. The promotion of LGBT and non-binary or "I identify as" bullshit is radical liberal propaganda heavily influenced BY schools and parents are the ones that need to fight against it. The ones that don't are part of the problem and those kids grow up struggling in all aspects of life.
Both our teenagers have self assessed non-binary kids in their schools and they all, including teachers and administrators, struggle with how to identify with their desires and ways to be recognized. It's beyond ridiculous. It's shameful to allow kids to be painted as freaks and it's shameful to force other kids to try and figure out WTF is happening. But it's intentional the same way common core is intentional. We have a concerted effort by leftwing freaks to reshape society
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Post by locogato11283 on Jun 3, 2018 12:57:42 GMT -5
What a fucking fruit loop.
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Post by Angelo on Jun 3, 2018 13:00:55 GMT -5
The most annoying thing about this article is the "They is a plural pronoun". Where the fuck did they go to school?
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Post by Deleted on Jun 3, 2018 14:37:55 GMT -5
The most annoying thing about this article is the "They is a plural pronoun". Where the fuck did they go to school? I would opine that it's the smug liberal attitude of the writer, and her "I'm smarter and kinder than you....I'll wait while you civilize yourself" attitude.
For a minute I thought that rnmr and her sidekick, Dr. Smug (the Canadian dude with the PhD) had co-written it.
Classic narcissism on display:
"David and I are experiencing something that is utterly unique and increasingly common". Ummm, no, witch, you and your spineless cuck (does he cuddle with the black dude after he finishes with you?) can't have it both ways. It's either unique or common, it cannot be both.
"Please don't deny your child's identity". "Please don't let your child slip into fantasy" is a much better course to take here...
"Hearing "she/he/hers instead of "they/them/theirs" causes my child pain." This nitwit imagines herself to be the world's best mother, when she actually is in the bottom 1%.
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Post by Angelo on Jun 3, 2018 15:29:20 GMT -5
The most annoying thing about this article is the "They is a plural pronoun". Where the fuck did they go to school? I would opine that it's the smug liberal attitude of the writer, and her "I'm smarter and kinder than you....I'll wait while you civilize yourself" attitude.
For a minute I thought that rnmr and her sidekick, Dr. Smug (the Canadian dude with the PhD) had co-written it.
Classic narcissism on display:
"David and I are experiencing something that is utterly unique and increasingly common". Ummm, no, witch, you and your spineless cuck (does he cuddle with the black dude after he finishes with you?) can't have it both ways. It's either unique or common, it cannot be both.
"Please don't deny your child's identity". "Please don't let your child slip into fantasy" is a much better course to take here...
"Hearing "she/he/hers instead of "they/them/theirs" causes my child pain." This nitwit imagines herself to be the world's best mother, when she actually is in the bottom 1%.
Eh putting aside the gender debate, or even just accepting your premise of the two genders (which is actually a recent phenomena)... If you call someone by the "wrong" pronoun without knowing they don't go by "traditional" pronouns, and they flip out, Fuck them they are an asshole. If someone tells you they want to be called by a different pronoun, do it. It is no skin off your back and is the equivalent of asking someone to call you by the version of your name you prefer. You are telling me you'd accept everyone here referring to you as ComradeQuestion or RearNakedMoleRat?
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Post by locogato11283 on Jun 3, 2018 16:32:42 GMT -5
Fuck. That.
I’m not calling “her” or “him” they, no matter how easy it might be. Fuck off with that bullshit.
These parents are seriously fucking these kids up, as if they weren’t useless enough already.
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Post by Angelo on Jun 3, 2018 16:37:15 GMT -5
Fuck. That. I’m not calling “her” or “him” they, no matter how easy it might be. Fuck off with that bullshit. These parents are seriously fucking these kids up, as if they weren’t useless enough already. Fine, if you want to be an asshole, be an asshole Megan.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 3, 2018 17:18:12 GMT -5
I've always used pronouns the person wanted if I knew they wanted it that way. If I called someone the wrong pronoun and they freaked out, I would continue to call that person by the wrong pronoun to piss them off because of the way they reacted. If they were cool about it, I would change my language.
I will not go around asking everyone which pronoun they prefer because I'm not changing everyday language for an extremely small subset of people. That's asinine and where I draw the line.
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Post by Angelo on Jun 3, 2018 17:22:16 GMT -5
I've always used pronouns the person wanted if I knew they wanted it that way. If I called someone the wrong pronoun and they freaked out, I would continue to call that person by the wrong pronoun to piss them off because of the way they reacted. If they were cool about it, I would change my language. I will not go around asking everyone which pronoun they prefer because I'm not changing everyday language for an extremely small subset of people. That's asinine and where I draw the line. Yep, this right here. It's so simple, so easy, and yet somehow so many are offended by this.
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Post by ocmmafan on Jun 3, 2018 19:02:49 GMT -5
I don't agree with a child deciding what adults or others should call them and that is about 85% of these cases. Young children dress up as batman or a princess and we accept that fantasy play as just that - it's fantasy play. Kids pretending because kids do that. We do NOT continue to call them batman or princess when play time is over. Calling someone "they" is no different than calling them "chair". It's simply championed by moronic leftwing cultists as we redraw lines of normalcy. Further, kids change their minds frequently because they are young and their brains are still processing information from a lack of experience. Allowing this type of fantasy delusion is confusing to BOTH the kids that wants to pretend they are "they" AND every other kid forced to adhere to the whims of that kid. When Mike one day decides he is non-binary, the schools and adults that instantly provide the attention Mike wants are NOT doing him any favors. But that is exactly what happens and everyone has to stop and be re-educated that Mike is now "they" and if you forget to call Mike "they" you can and will be punished. That's reality in schools today, at least in California.
And loco is correct - it is fucking up these kids. It is NOT helping anyone.
If an adult co-worker tells me tomorrow they would now like to be called "toaster", I would accept it and do my best to adhere to that request. It doesn't matter to me and as an adult, they have enough life experience to make that decision and the consequences that come with it.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 3, 2018 19:09:25 GMT -5
There are so many ways to view this type of situation and judge people for being either insane, confused, attention seeking or just plain naive. I don't really have a strong opinion about what the fuck any of these people think of themselves as... however I will not
1) Be convinced that you can change gender 2) Be convinced that you can be both genders 3) Be convinced that raising someone oblivious to gender is healthy 4) Feel that it is my duty to bend my mind and opinions to fit an ever changing and growing array of terms and lifestyles 5) Believe that any of this is scientifically provable 6) Understand how parents think that they are doing a good job when they allow a child to dictate their parenting parameters
In my world animals and humans are born either male or female, which can be checked and verified by scientific testing. Cutting my limbs off does not make me a worm and cutting my dick off does not make me a girl.
If someone wants to do something that 99.9% of the world thinks is odd, then they need to be the ones to have thick skin and not expect other people to understand or sympathize with them. If I walk in to a village in Iraq, it is not fair of me to assume that the entire village is going to want to listen and agree with me preaching Christianity. I should shut the fuck up, go about my business, and hope that maybe some people will ask questions... however preaching superior correctness and self righteousness is a recipe for being seen as an asshole.
I recently switched my kids from public school to Catholic Private School. I am not religious, have no real ability to build any kind of faith in spirituality or an afterlife... and actually am somewhat worried about the Catholic religion creeping in to my families life. However the teachers at this school will not ask 400 people to take the time out of their day to stop and understand/sympathize/agree with 1 person who is confused or different. The public school system and eventually the working world will soon have to be knowledgeable of 50 different sexualities and genders, as well as all of the issues that individually go along with each one.... and in my opinion our kids are already getting spit out of the public school system with such a shitty education and ability to be adults, we definitely don't need more confusion and less time spent on learning and working hard.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 3, 2018 19:15:57 GMT -5
I don't agree with a child deciding what adults or others should call them and that is about 85% of these cases. Young children dress up as batman or a princess and we accept that fantasy play as just that - it's fantasy play. Kids pretending because kids do that. We do NOT continue to call them batman or princess when play time is over. Calling someone "they" is no different than calling them "chair". It's simply championed by moronic leftwing cultists as we redraw lines of normalcy. Further, kids change their minds frequently because they are young and their brains are still processing information from a lack of experience. Allowing this type of fantasy delusion is confusing to BOTH the kids that wants to pretend they are "they" AND every other kid forced to adhere to the whims of that kid. When Mike one day decides he is non-binary, the schools and adults that instantly provide the attention Mike wants are NOT doing him any favors. But that is exactly what happens and everyone has to stop and be re-educated that Mike is now "they" and if you forget to call Mike "they" you can and will be punished. That's reality in schools today, at least in California. And loco is correct - it is fucking up these kids. It is NOT helping anyone. If an adult co-worker tells me tomorrow they would now like to be called "toaster", I would accept it and do my best to adhere to that request. It doesn't matter to me and as an adult, they have enough life experience to make that decision and the consequences that come with it. I agree. I should have clarified that I'm talking about adults. I don't know how I would handle a kid asking that. Luckily, I don't have a lot of interaction with kids outside of my 3 year old and 3 month old. I guess it is something I will have to think about for when they are around their teen years.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 3, 2018 19:19:05 GMT -5
There are so many ways to view this type of situation and judge people for being either insane, confused, attention seeking or just plain naive. I don't really have a strong opinion about what the fuck any of these people think of themselves as... however I will not 1) Be convinced that you can change gender 2) Be convinced that you can be both genders 3) Be convinced that raising someone oblivious to gender is healthy 4) Feel that it is my duty to bend my mind and opinions to fit an ever changing and growing array of terms and lifestyles 5) Believe that any of this is scientifically provable 6) Understand how parents think that they are doing a good job when they allow a child to dictate their parenting parameters In my world animals and humans are born either male or female, which can be checked and verified by scientific testing. Cutting my limbs off does not make me a worm and cutting my dick off does not make me a girl. If someone wants to do something that 99.9% of the world thinks is odd, then they need to be the ones to have thick skin and not expect other people to understand or sympathize with them. If I walk in to a village in Iraq, it is not fair of me to assume that the entire village is going to want to listen and agree with me preaching Christianity. I should shut the fuck up, go about my business, and hope that maybe some people will ask questions... however preaching superior correctness and self righteousness is a recipe for being seen as an asshole. I recently switched my kids from public school to Catholic Private School. I am not religious, have no real ability to build any kind of faith in spirituality or an afterlife... and actually am somewhat worried about the Catholic religion creeping in to my families life. However the teachers at this school will not ask 400 people to take the time out of their day to stop and understand/sympathize/agree with 1 person who is confused or different. The public school system and eventually the working world will soon have to be knowledgeable of 50 different sexualities and genders, as well as all of the issues that individually go along with each one.... and in my opinion our kids are already getting spit out of the public school system with such a shitty education and ability to be adults, we definitely don't need more confusion and less time spent on learning and working hard. Luckily I live in Podunk, No-where Virginia so I'm not being hit over the head with this kind of shit. For that, I am thankful.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 3, 2018 20:08:38 GMT -5
There are so many ways to view this type of situation and judge people for being either insane, confused, attention seeking or just plain naive. I don't really have a strong opinion about what the fuck any of these people think of themselves as... however I will not 1) Be convinced that you can change gender 2) Be convinced that you can be both genders 3) Be convinced that raising someone oblivious to gender is healthy 4) Feel that it is my duty to bend my mind and opinions to fit an ever changing and growing array of terms and lifestyles 5) Believe that any of this is scientifically provable 6) Understand how parents think that they are doing a good job when they allow a child to dictate their parenting parameters In my world animals and humans are born either male or female, which can be checked and verified by scientific testing. Cutting my limbs off does not make me a worm and cutting my dick off does not make me a girl. If someone wants to do something that 99.9% of the world thinks is odd, then they need to be the ones to have thick skin and not expect other people to understand or sympathize with them. If I walk in to a village in Iraq, it is not fair of me to assume that the entire village is going to want to listen and agree with me preaching Christianity. I should shut the fuck up, go about my business, and hope that maybe some people will ask questions... however preaching superior correctness and self righteousness is a recipe for being seen as an asshole. I recently switched my kids from public school to Catholic Private School. I am not religious, have no real ability to build any kind of faith in spirituality or an afterlife... and actually am somewhat worried about the Catholic religion creeping in to my families life. However the teachers at this school will not ask 400 people to take the time out of their day to stop and understand/sympathize/agree with 1 person who is confused or different. The public school system and eventually the working world will soon have to be knowledgeable of 50 different sexualities and genders, as well as all of the issues that individually go along with each one.... and in my opinion our kids are already getting spit out of the public school system with such a shitty education and ability to be adults, we definitely don't need more confusion and less time spent on learning and working hard. Luckily I live in Podunk, No-where Virginia so I'm not being hit over the head with this kind of shit. For that, I am thankful. just south of me in SF there is no normal. Some people like that and that's why they flock there. I have tons of clients that are homosexuals that have vacation homes in my are who live mainly in SF. Typically they are 2 gay older men and 95% of the time they are extremely polite, nice and very good at paying their bills. Never does sexuality come up, never do they ask for anything because they are different, and never do I treat them anything but how I treat everyone else. It seems that this whole identity thing about gender and sexuality is mostly present in younger people. I guess just being gay is no longer different enough, and now people need to keep being on the fringes in order to seem hip and trendy. In my area being gay doesn't get a second look from anyone, and it is odd when you go to a restaurant and don't see a gay couple out on a date. With that has come a calm with many of them about feeling the need to broadcast or push anything. They simply live their lives how they want to and nobody gets in their way. Parents who play along with this type of charade are inevitably going to get exactly what they deserve for not having a backbone and allowing kids to make decisions they are not qualified to make. I would imagine a life of disconnected depression as well as no family core is inevitable in these situations and while the parents are feeling good about their laid back approach, their lack of logical boundaries will end up tearing their families apart. Look at Will Smith's kids for exactly what happens when you let your kids be their own voice of reason.
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Post by vegeta420z on Jun 3, 2018 20:13:19 GMT -5
PLEASE READ THIS ARTICLE, AND NOTE THE INSUFFERABLE CONDESCENSION OF THE WRITER -- A GUEST COLUMNIST WHO HAS ONE OF THESE CONFUSED OFFSPRING WHO INSISTS SHE IS, IN FACT, BOTH GENDERS AND DEMANDS TO BE ADDRESSED AS SUCH!
(Yes, contrary opinions are welcomed....I am simply baffled by these parents who -- in my relative ignorance on this topic -- seem to be failing their kids by humoring their insanity rather than treating it, clinically. After all, gender dysphoria is in fact a documented mental illness)
From today's Detroit Free Press:
I AM THE PARENT OF A NON-BINARY CHILD
Susan KnoppowPublished 7:33 a.m. ET May 31, 2018 | Updated 11:26 a.m. ET May 31, 2018
The first time my oldest child told me that gender existed on a spectrum, we were parked in the driveway, sitting in our old Honda minivan with the engine idling and the radio off. Miriam had just returned from a youth group weekend and we were catching up.
“No, sweetheart,” I said to my precocious 14-year-old. “Sexuality is on a spectrum; you can be straight, gay or lots of things in between. Gender is either male or female.”
Miriam corrected me. “No, Mom. Gender is on a spectrum, too.”
At the end of high school, Miriam came out as non-binary. That, too, was a confusing surprise. My husband David and I listened intently, nodded in all the right places, and said we would do everything we could to be supportive. We had no idea what that meant. I would be lying if I pretended it’s been easy.
For the first 18 years of Miriam’s life, I was sure I was raising a daughter. And I was. Until that daughter told me they were neither female or male, and that I should switch to “they/them/their” pronouns when referring to them in the third person.
Pronouns need their own discussion. We’ll save that for another day. But in the meantime, here’s the short version: People who are non-binary use a variety of pronouns, but they/them/their are the most common today. The English language is still figuring this one out. My child (and many other non-binary folks) use they instead of she or he, them instead of her or him, and their instead of hers or his.
After lots of practice, my ear is getting tuned to this change. The distinctions may seem like a clumsy trick of the English language, but the implications run deep.
The pronouns we use reflect our level of respect for the person we are speaking with or about. When someone tells me, “I’ll just call Miriam ‘she’ because that’s what I’m used to,” they are passing judgment on my child. They are saying, “My comfort is more important than your child’s comfort.” Whether or not they intend to be dismissive they are telling me, “Miriam’s identity is not valid because I don’t understand it.” Being mis-gendered – or mistaken for the wrong gender – stings. Hearing “she/her/hers” instead of “they/them/theirs” causes my child pain.
Does that sound harsh? Does it sound like I’m asking friends, family and strangers to engage in an issue that doesn’t involve them? I can assure you that whether or not you think you know someone who is non-binary, you do. The more people I talk to and the more I write about this, the more I realize that David and I are experiencing something that is both utterly unique and increasingly common. You know someone who is non-binary. They just might not have told you yet.
As a parent, I am doing everything I can to expand the universe in which my child and other non-binary people can feel comfortable. That’s what an ally does. I’ve had conversations about gender identity with my parents and with cab drivers, with my closest friends and with checkout clerks. When someone I haven’t seen for months asks, “How’s Miriam?” I say, “They’re fine, thanks.” When a business associate asks, “You have three kids? Boys or girls?” I tell them, “I have two sons, and my oldest is non-binary.” Some people nod because they get it. Most of the time, I have to explain further.
Here’s a peek into the types of questions and reactions I've heard from friends, relatives and strangers when I mention Miriam or talk about what’s been going on in our lives, along with my responses.
Do you think it’s a phase?
No. And even if it were, what difference would that make? I want to keep the lines of communication open and help my child find a comfortable home in the world – with or without me. If I deny their reality, I will be shutting that door.
What you are describing is scientifically impossible. There are two sexes: male and female, and therefore two genders.
That’s not helpful. And anyway, I’m talking about gender, not biological sex. Gender has always been a social construct (which changes by era and culture.) Some say sex is constructed, too.
This is just kids’ latest way to try to be unique. They’ll grow out of it.
The fact that many of the people who (publicly) identify as non-binary happen to be under 25 does not mean this gender identity doesn’t exist for older people. They may not have had the language or the need for it, or they just might not be sharing it with you. Wait a few years until non-binary is more familiar to the mainstream public. You'll be hearing more of this.
My child says the same thing. I think it’s because she’s depressed.
If you think your child is depressed, I encourage you to get them help to deal with that directly. Please don’t deny your child’s identity.
I’m so sorry. I feel terrible for you.
Keep your pity to yourself. It is both misguided and unwelcome. As soon as you smugly think to yourself, “Thank God it’s not my kid” you separate yourself from my family and isolate us from the larger community. Please deal with your discomfort away from me.
You are amazing (brave/courageous/etc.). I couldn’t possibly handle this.
Annoying and unhelpful. See “I’m so sorry,” above.
That’s ridiculous. “They” is a plural pronoun.
Language is always evolving. You’ll get used to it.
Can’t you just use “they” when you’re together and use the old pronoun with everyone else?
Language matters, and I have been asked to change mine. The best way to get used to that change is to use the preferred pronouns all the time. The more others hear “they” in reference to one person, the more familiar it will become, and the more welcome and comfortable my child (and other non-binary folks) will be in our communities.
I hear you. We’re having the same conversation in my house.
Let’s talk.
I am completely confused.
That’s OK. You don’t have to get it all at once.
I love my child. They are exactly the same artsy, sensitive, insightful person they have always been – same concern for the world, same love of farming, poetry, Judaism and family, same funky sense of style. I keep exploring and sharing my experiences in my blog and in my daily encounters. It gets easier and more comfortable all the time.
Susan Knoppow is CEO of Wow Writing Workshop, a communication and writing services company, and is author of the blog "Writing it Down," at susanknoppow.wordpress.com.
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Just curious why the fuck would you read that? Jesus fucking christ i made to “No, Mom. Gender is on a spectrum, too.” and was like what the fuck kind of god damn retard wrote this shit? I don't know or care what the rest of this garbage said. But like why read it why post it? I'm not offended or outraged or whatever but i feel like even having a dialogue about these god damned fruits is really just giving validation to their fruity little snowflake beliefs and ideas. Which is also why i don't talk about Trump or Hilary, They are fucking retarded and either one of them is going to lead us through express line to Armageddon talking about it ain't gonna make it any better
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Post by vegeta420z on Jun 3, 2018 20:14:34 GMT -5
There are so many ways to view this type of situation and judge people for being either insane, confused, attention seeking or just plain naive. I don't really have a strong opinion about what the fuck any of these people think of themselves as... however I will not 1) Be convinced that you can change gender 2) Be convinced that you can be both genders 3) Be convinced that raising someone oblivious to gender is healthy 4) Feel that it is my duty to bend my mind and opinions to fit an ever changing and growing array of terms and lifestyles 5) Believe that any of this is scientifically provable 6) Understand how parents think that they are doing a good job when they allow a child to dictate their parenting parameters In my world animals and humans are born either male or female, which can be checked and verified by scientific testing. Cutting my limbs off does not make me a worm and cutting my dick off does not make me a girl. If someone wants to do something that 99.9% of the world thinks is odd, then they need to be the ones to have thick skin and not expect other people to understand or sympathize with them. If I walk in to a village in Iraq, it is not fair of me to assume that the entire village is going to want to listen and agree with me preaching Christianity. I should shut the fuck up, go about my business, and hope that maybe some people will ask questions... however preaching superior correctness and self righteousness is a recipe for being seen as an asshole. I recently switched my kids from public school to Catholic Private School. I am not religious, have no real ability to build any kind of faith in spirituality or an afterlife... and actually am somewhat worried about the Catholic religion creeping in to my families life. However the teachers at this school will not ask 400 people to take the time out of their day to stop and understand/sympathize/agree with 1 person who is confused or different. The public school system and eventually the working world will soon have to be knowledgeable of 50 different sexualities and genders, as well as all of the issues that individually go along with each one.... and in my opinion our kids are already getting spit out of the public school system with such a shitty education and ability to be adults, we definitely don't need more confusion and less time spent on learning and working hard. Luckily I live in Podunk, No-where Virginia so I'm not being hit over the head with this kind of shit. For that, I am thankful. Think of how Tony's poor family feels they are in Podunk nowhere Maine and they have to deal with gay fruit tard tony fagging shit up evertime he steps in the room
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Post by vegeta420z on Jun 3, 2018 20:17:03 GMT -5
Luckily I live in Podunk, No-where Virginia so I'm not being hit over the head with this kind of shit. For that, I am thankful. just south of me in SF there is no normal. Some people like that and that's why they flock there. I have tons of clients that are homosexuals that have vacation homes in my are who live mainly in SF. Typically they are 2 gay older men and 95% of the time they are extremely polite, nice and very good at paying their bills. Never does sexuality come up, never do they ask for anything because they are different, and never do I treat them anything but how I treat everyone else. It seems that this whole identity thing about gender and sexuality is mostly present in younger people. I guess just being gay is no longer different enough, and now people need to keep being on the fringes in order to seem hip and trendy. In my area being gay doesn't get a second look from anyone, and it is odd when you go to a restaurant and don't see a gay couple out on a date. With that has come a calm with many of them about feeling the need to broadcast or push anything. They simply live their lives how they want to and nobody gets in their way. Parents who play along with this type of charade are inevitably going to get exactly what they deserve for not having a backbone and allowing kids to make decisions they are not qualified to make. I would imagine a life of disconnected depression as well as no family core is inevitable in these situations and while the parents are feeling good about their laid back approach, their lack of logical boundaries will end up tearing their families apart. Look at Will Smith's kids for exactly what happens when you let your kids be their own voice of reason. Some people like that and thats why they move to just north of there ( short drive down to fruitville foe some weekend fun away from the wife huh), but hey to each their own Kyle
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Post by Deleted on Jun 3, 2018 23:32:31 GMT -5
just south of me in SF there is no normal. Some people like that and that's why they flock there. I have tons of clients that are homosexuals that have vacation homes in my are who live mainly in SF. Typically they are 2 gay older men and 95% of the time they are extremely polite, nice and very good at paying their bills. Never does sexuality come up, never do they ask for anything because they are different, and never do I treat them anything but how I treat everyone else. It seems that this whole identity thing about gender and sexuality is mostly present in younger people. I guess just being gay is no longer different enough, and now people need to keep being on the fringes in order to seem hip and trendy. In my area being gay doesn't get a second look from anyone, and it is odd when you go to a restaurant and don't see a gay couple out on a date. With that has come a calm with many of them about feeling the need to broadcast or push anything. They simply live their lives how they want to and nobody gets in their way. Parents who play along with this type of charade are inevitably going to get exactly what they deserve for not having a backbone and allowing kids to make decisions they are not qualified to make. I would imagine a life of disconnected depression as well as no family core is inevitable in these situations and while the parents are feeling good about their laid back approach, their lack of logical boundaries will end up tearing their families apart. Look at Will Smith's kids for exactly what happens when you let your kids be their own voice of reason. Some people like that and thats why they move to just north of there ( short drive down to fruitville foe some weekend fun away from the wife huh), but hey to each their own Kyle You live in Oregon right? Are you sexually frustrated with your lack of options up there?
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Post by vegeta420z on Jun 3, 2018 23:53:44 GMT -5
Some people like that and thats why they move to just north of there ( short drive down to fruitville foe some weekend fun away from the wife huh), but hey to each their own Kyle You live in Oregon right? Are you sexually frustrated with your lack of options up there? Are you kidding? Eugene and Portland are fucking full of just as many fucking fruits and cross dressing fucking weirdos as down your way fuck maybe even more per capita. I mean it is not an unrealistic expectation for say you to be able to come up here and find a Midget tranny gay mexican that is into trumps supporters with limp backs, small dick, and a raging case of hemroids, who aslo enjoys being cucked while a giant mandingo plows his wife. what i'm saying Kyle is i think you would like it here
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Post by Deleted on Jun 3, 2018 23:57:50 GMT -5
You live in Oregon right? Are you sexually frustrated with your lack of options up there? Are you kidding? Eugene and Portland are fucking full of just as many fucking fruits and cross dressing fucking weirdos as down your way fuck maybe even more per capita. I mean it is not an unrealistic expectation for say you to be able to come up here and find a Midget tranny gay mexican that is into trumps supporters with limp backs, small dick, and a raging case of hemroids, who aslo enjoys being cucked while a giant mandingo plows his wife. what i'm saying Kyle is i think you would like it here If I come up there can we go fishing so I can drown you and save the taxpayers a bunch of money?
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Post by vegeta420z on Jun 4, 2018 0:09:35 GMT -5
Are you kidding? Eugene and Portland are fucking full of just as many fucking fruits and cross dressing fucking weirdos as down your way fuck maybe even more per capita. I mean it is not an unrealistic expectation for say you to be able to come up here and find a Midget tranny gay mexican that is into trumps supporters with limp backs, small dick, and a raging case of hemroids, who aslo enjoys being cucked while a giant mandingo plows his wife. what i'm saying Kyle is i think you would like it here If I come up there can we go fishing so I can drown you and save the taxpayers a bunch of money? hahaha you drown me bitch? I will fucking use you for crab bait pussy.
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Post by locogato11283 on Jun 4, 2018 7:17:43 GMT -5
Where are you guys located? I don’t feel like this shit has hit our area yet (just north of KCMO).
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Post by Deleted on Jun 4, 2018 9:05:08 GMT -5
Where are you guys located? I don’t feel like this shit has hit our area yet (just north of KCMO). Where do you think? The crazy shit always starts on the coasts and then moves inward. I guarantee California will have it's first legal challenge to be able to marry an animal upheld in the next decade. There are already people trying to do it here and people are starting to show sympathy (of course).
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Post by HumanAgent on Jun 4, 2018 10:11:40 GMT -5
It sucks cause California is such a beautiful state. Beautiful coast, cites, girls, parks, nature... I think the positive outweighs the negative, or people would move. I'd love to live in California.
I know a quite a few have moved but it's probably a very small amount of people.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 4, 2018 10:20:46 GMT -5
My nephew has only been in a combo of private school and home schooling precisely because of things such as this. I do hope it wasn't too much of a shield, but so far so good.
Personally, I don't give 2 fucks what adults do. None of my business. But when you try to push these choices on the kids I have a major issue with it. Life is complicated enough as it is, adding one more fucking complication at a young age isn't productive imo. Let kids be kids and let them figure out and fall into what role they feel they want to be in life.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 4, 2018 16:38:12 GMT -5
It sucks cause California is such a beautiful state. Beautiful coast, cites, girls, parks, nature... I think the positive outweighs the negative, or people would move. I'd love to live in California. I know a quite a few have moved but it's probably a very small amount of people. www.foxnews.com/us/2018/06/04/bay-area-exodus-nearly-50-percent-californians-say-want-to-move-out-soon-poll-finds.htmlThere are a ton of very redeeming qualities about parts of this state, but just about any place that is nice and has good weather is so expensive that it is just about impossible to survive on $100k a year. The problem is the politicians have been running rampant for decades and have made financial obligations to things that are just not sustainable. The state is the 5th largest economy in the world and is bankrupt (let that sink in).
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