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Post by Tapout on Feb 8, 2017 11:50:11 GMT -5
I know this is a little deep, but I thought the new board could handle it.
Anyone here co parent?
I have a step son, we share custody with his father. We all get along, always have. My son (I don't call him my step son), just turned 5, and has seemed to have more of an issue with things lately. Says he wishes we could all live in the same house etc.
He cries from time to time when its time for him to go to the others house.
Well, his father has recently suggested that we do things together from time to time, as it may help my son cope. While I can say we have all always gotten along, always civil, this sounds horrible.
Anyone else experienced this?
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Post by Deleted on Feb 8, 2017 14:23:04 GMT -5
Don't you have a child as well with your wife?
From your posts (while you are a complete Yankee sucking douche bag) you seem like a very dedicated family guy. I am guessing the only answer is to do whatever is best for the kid(s). To me once you become a parent, nothing you need or want matters anymore. I will work 24 hours a day if that is what my kids need, and I would suffer through any level of hell to make their upbringing easier.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 8, 2017 14:30:26 GMT -5
I do in way...my nephew. But his father is not around at all. So it's a different dynamic.
I'd say suck it up and do it for the Lil guy.
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Post by Tapout on Feb 8, 2017 14:41:32 GMT -5
Don't you have a child as well with your wife? From your posts (while you are a complete Yankee sucking douche bag) you seem like a very dedicated family guy. I am guessing the only answer is to do whatever is best for the kid(s). To me once you become a parent, nothing you need or want matters anymore. I will work 24 hours a day if that is what my kids need, and I would suffer through any level of hell to make their upbringing easier. I do. A 2.5 year old daughter.
I am willing to do whatever it takes for my kids, no doubt there.
I have agreed. But, then they invited us to Church with them tonight. THAT, is not gonna happen.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 8, 2017 15:12:04 GMT -5
Don't you have a child as well with your wife? From your posts (while you are a complete Yankee sucking douche bag) you seem like a very dedicated family guy. I am guessing the only answer is to do whatever is best for the kid(s). To me once you become a parent, nothing you need or want matters anymore. I will work 24 hours a day if that is what my kids need, and I would suffer through any level of hell to make their upbringing easier. I do. A 2.5 year old daughter.
I am willing to do whatever it takes for my kids, no doubt there.
I have agreed. But, then they invited us to Church with them tonight. THAT, is not gonna happen.
I went to Church for almost 3 years with my wife. I told her I would go with an open mind and give it a chance. We had been dating a few years and I felt I needed to try to see her side of things. I ended up just telling her I can't continue because of a number of reasons. She stopped going about 5 years ago as well, for her own reasons. It wasn't that bad as long as you don't get pressured to join groups and get to personal. While I didn't believe any of what was said, I could understand some value in what they were trying to get across. In the end it is just a business, and they only care about making money just like the rest of us.
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Post by Fasthands25 on Feb 8, 2017 15:26:53 GMT -5
Don't ever talk to me or my wife's son evet again!
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Post by Tapout on Feb 8, 2017 15:34:45 GMT -5
I do. A 2.5 year old daughter.
I am willing to do whatever it takes for my kids, no doubt there.
I have agreed. But, then they invited us to Church with them tonight. THAT, is not gonna happen.
I went to Church for almost 3 years with my wife. I told her I would go with an open mind and give it a chance. We had been dating a few years and I felt I needed to try to see her side of things. I ended up just telling her I can't continue because of a number of reasons. She stopped going about 5 years ago as well, for her own reasons. It wasn't that bad as long as you don't get pressured to join groups and get to personal. While I didn't believe any of what was said, I could understand some value in what they were trying to get across. In the end it is just a business, and they only care about making money just like the rest of us. If my daughter gets old enough, and asks to go, I will take her. I just don't want her to be told what to think. I want her to develop that on her own. My sons father is kind of a nut with it. Went even as far to tell my son, that his mother wasn't his real mother, Jesus is. I just don't want that for my daughter.
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Post by kristhegreasedpig on Feb 9, 2017 0:38:38 GMT -5
I'm in that boat my friend. And it fucking sucks. My daughter (10) and son (7) live with me 1/2 of the time (Mon/Tues and alternating Friday-Sunday). Recently my ex decided that she couldn't pay daycare, so we pulled out kids out of daycare, and her out of work boyfriend watches them after school. So every day that I see my kids I also see my ex's boyfriend. We also share birthday parties, and events like that. Some nights before concerts and the like I've eaten supper with them as its ready and we are time constrained.
It's fucking rough, and add that for the first year or so I hugged their mom goodbye in front of them. The right thing is hard to do, but my short term discomfort (daughters birthday party- myself, my ex father in law and her new guy alone at the table- fun!) is nothing compared to lessons in the long run for them, including sometimes we do what we have to, not what we want to.
No chance they would get me to church though!! And I am kind of happy inside that my daughter thinks that religion doesn't make sense to her anymore, so church would be further out!
It's shitty bud, but thanks for doing what you have to for your son- including calling him son without qualifiers. Good luck!
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Post by HankPNW on Feb 9, 2017 12:42:10 GMT -5
I'd say do something active, like fishing. If things get awkward, you can be like "hey I'm going to check out this other spot" and get away for a few minutes.
One thing to remember is even though we love our kids unconditionally, some times they just go through phases. I use to blame myself as a kid for my parents divorce, but as I got a bit older (like 9 or 10) I started to understand what divorce was and was more OK with the situation.
Also, kids are super impressionable. My daughters personality changes every few months, depending on what she's watching, what we've been doing, etc. Some times, like currently, she's more emotional. She's learning things like what it means to be "cranky" or "moody" and she acts those out. I don't know it's hard to explain.
You're doing a great job Tapout. The fact that you're conscious about these issues shows you've got your kids best interest at heart. You're a good dad, and this other guy seems like a good guy too. Your son is in a good situation, and at times, you can't protect him from everything. He'll cry about it now, but he'll grow up to understand the complexities of this situation later.
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Post by hammerfaust on Feb 9, 2017 13:34:35 GMT -5
I went to Church for almost 3 years with my wife. I told her I would go with an open mind and give it a chance. We had been dating a few years and I felt I needed to try to see her side of things. I ended up just telling her I can't continue because of a number of reasons. She stopped going about 5 years ago as well, for her own reasons. It wasn't that bad as long as you don't get pressured to join groups and get to personal. While I didn't believe any of what was said, I could understand some value in what they were trying to get across. In the end it is just a business, and they only care about making money just like the rest of us. If my daughter gets old enough, and asks to go, I will take her. I just don't want her to be told what to think. I want her to develop that on her own. My sons father is kind of a nut with it. Went even as far to tell my son, that his mother wasn't his real mother, Jesus is. I just don't want that for my daughter. ok, this guy is bat shit crazy. Keep yourself and your son as far away from him as possible. If Jesus is his mother, who is his father? The easter bunny?
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Post by Tapout on Feb 9, 2017 13:43:15 GMT -5
The guy is nice enough. But yea, he is a religious loon.
He comes back from his dads talking about Jesus and god, and I just let him. I just ask him if that's what HE thinks is real, or does he just think that is real because people tell him its real.
Thanks fellas.
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Post by wvpunchdrunk on Feb 9, 2017 14:21:23 GMT -5
Baileys mom ended up marrying a guy I knew in high school when he was still pretty young. The one thing I will tell you is that you have to have pretty well established boundaries. The few times we were all together doing anything Bailey then assumed everything was ok for us to do together..then when a problem arises..and at some point it will you look like the bad guy.
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Post by locogato11283 on Feb 9, 2017 15:45:51 GMT -5
No fucking way... Tell him to eat a bag of dicks.
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Post by peAk on Feb 9, 2017 21:59:39 GMT -5
The thought of having a divorce and having to share my son with another man is a fucking day I hope I never see.
Ugh......
My heart goes out to any of you guys that have to do it.
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Post by Angelo on Feb 9, 2017 22:01:58 GMT -5
Don't worry about it, do it, don't do it, we already gonna have the issues from the divorce in the first place, no saving that.
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Post by JesusDeathMetal on Feb 9, 2017 23:16:13 GMT -5
Religious people are creepy and usually diddle kids, while pretending to be so holier than thou.
Hoping for the best for you. Have the good touch bad touch talk, before this dude explains the Holy Spirit came down for heaven for wiener forgiveness time.
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Post by FAQer on Feb 13, 2017 10:06:24 GMT -5
My two oldest only see their father once or twice a year, but he's irresponsible, self-absorbed, an never follows through on anything. He's several months behind on child support, pays nothing towards medical (11 year old is a type 1 diabetic) and lies to the boys about visiting and sending them gifts. Two Christmas' in a row that he's "sent gifts in the mail" and nothing ever arrived.
I've tried to be civil with him, but he constantly fucks with my wife, and lets his wife fuck with her as well. I face the internal struggle of wanting him to get hit by a helicopter so they don't have to be exposed to his lies and bullshit, but also want them to have a better situation than I was in as a kid. My father and step father basically acted like they didn't exist. It's getting to the point of no return with this guy due to his endless selfishness.
You can only do what you think is right. You're the only one that has to go to sleep with your choices on your mind. For what it's worth, the church thing was an issue for a long time with my wife's family. They're finally letting it go now. I wouldn't bend on that one regardless of how much they pressured my wife.
You'll do the right thing when the moments and situations present themselves. You're a good guy. Fat as fuck, but a very solid dude nonetheless.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 13, 2017 15:28:03 GMT -5
It is sad how many POS Dad's there are in this world. I look at my kids with more love and happiness than I could have ever imagined possible, and the thought of walking out on them is so impossible to even consider. I would spend every last dollar and walk through fire to keep my kids safe and happy.
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Post by kristhegreasedpig on Feb 13, 2017 19:41:35 GMT -5
One of the hardest things for me was being okay with having fun when my kids aren't around. I lived for my family, and it was hard getting over the self imposed guilt of not being with them. Took probably the better part of a year before I was okay with it. Took me by surprise, but is what it is. But I could also never have less than 50% custody either.
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Post by CHOPPEDnSCREWED on Feb 14, 2017 12:06:28 GMT -5
Don't be afraid to tell a fuck to fuck off.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 14, 2017 13:13:04 GMT -5
It is sad how many POS Dad's there are in this world. I look at my kids with more love and happiness than I could have ever imagined possible, and the thought of walking out on them is so impossible to even consider. I would spend every last dollar and walk through fire to keep my kids safe and happy. I would have never understood this until I had my daughter. She can be a little shit head but man, as you said, I would walk through fire just to make sure she doesn't get hot. As far as church, lol. No way, no how. My wife goes and takes the kid. It has been a struggle when she wants her to be accepted and probably baptized in the future, I wish she would stay away from that shit all together and I have always felt strongly about that. I didn't even want my daughter to go for my own reasons (I don't like how some churches threaten elementary school kids with eternal hell fire for not accepting Jesus, I remember being scared shit less as a kid) but her church doesn't seem to be like that so I caved... Do what you need to do Tapout...
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