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Post by FAQer on Sept 22, 2016 10:34:22 GMT -5
^^HA!!
My six year old wakes up every morning and heads straight to the backyard for his morning piss with our dog, Bill. I hear the back door open and instantly laugh. Can't be mad at that.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 22, 2016 11:08:15 GMT -5
I don't think women seem to understand it in the least bit.
I was talking to my sister on my birthday last week and she was saying that she's sketched out by the squatty potty because she thinks it would be "covered in pee". I told her that she'd only need to worry about that if she was using the one in the kid's bathroom. She asked why, and I told her that I can probably count on both hands the number of times I've pissed inside my house and still have a few fingers left. I have a covered farmer's porch. There is one section of mulch under it that has never needed any weeding performed, ever.
She asked about what I do in the winter or a snow storm. During a snowstorm I actually use those never used holes in men's boxer shorts to take my junk out and keep my balls nice and warm. She asked about the resulting yellow snow. I told her I have a long handled shovel on the porch that I use to push clean snow over the hole so guests coming into the house never see it. She asked what happens when it melts. I told her that you're left with a cool looking tube of ice that sticks up just a bit above the melting snow. The only problem with this method is that you can't write your name in the snow.
She was completely baffled. "What about people driving by?" "They can't see me." "Yes they can!" "Not at night." "What do you do during the day?" "There's a tree in the backyard not visible from any other house or from the road, I've been trying to kill it for ten years."
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Post by FAQer on Sept 22, 2016 11:37:41 GMT -5
I had a spot on my stepfather's lawn that i did the same thing to. I attacked this one 3"x3" patch with every last drop of my alcohol laden urine, as well as a plethora of potions that I would randomly create. Just combinations of bleach, windex, soap, lighter fluid etc. Drove him nuts that he couldn't get that spot to grow as nicely as the rest of his precious lawn lol.
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Post by CHOPPEDnSCREWED on Sept 22, 2016 11:40:12 GMT -5
There's nothing better than relieving oneself outside in dead of winter. Nothing.
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Post by CHOPPEDnSCREWED on Sept 22, 2016 11:41:38 GMT -5
The cold air hitting your nuts must be what Adam felt when God first breathed life into man.
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Post by agrappleaday on Sept 22, 2016 12:15:44 GMT -5
i now shit 5-6 solid shits per day....wtf?? This is because you now love health.
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Post by TonyForgotToLogIn on Sept 22, 2016 12:46:40 GMT -5
Yeah CB, you're supposed to take at least three a day. You're just making up for lost time.
See if you can toss some Psyllium husk in cup of juice. You'll take Godzilla Shits and it'll clean ya right out.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 22, 2016 14:42:12 GMT -5
Psyllium, kale and a little cocout oil goes in my morning shakes. After my initial morning dump I also have my pot of coffee and hit the gym.
The dump after the gym...jfc.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 22, 2016 14:45:16 GMT -5
And I want to say 90% of my pisses are outside in a dirty undeveloped area of my yard.
I'd kill someone for pissing on my landscaping lol.
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Post by CHOPPEDnSCREWED on Sept 22, 2016 14:51:43 GMT -5
Yeah CB, you're supposed to take at least three a day. You're just making up for lost time. See if you can toss some Psyllium husk in cup of juice. You'll take Godzilla Shits and it'll clean ya right out. Yeah, cb, and you need to check your prostate at least 3 or 4 times a day.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 22, 2016 16:10:01 GMT -5
I had my daughter out for a bike ride, and she said she had to poop. Anyone with a 4 year old knows that they can basically walk as fast as they can ride a bike, so there was no way we were making it back to the house. I let her take her first roadside shit. She made me proud, she just popped a squat and took care of business. She didn't mind wiping with the couple of napkins I had in my back pocket, either. About once a week I take my 4 year old on a ride/hike through the mountains. I'm pretty sure shitting in the woods is his favorite part. A couple weeks ago he asked if we could hide and watch somebody tramp in it. That made me chuckle... fucking kids are awesome.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 22, 2016 16:13:29 GMT -5
There is a spot in my yard where no insect, weed or spec of life can exist. It has averaged 2 pisses a day for 12 years. There is a weird sense of accomplishment killing life with ones own piss.
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Vlad
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Post by Vlad on Sept 22, 2016 16:32:20 GMT -5
Due to my horrifying urological past, I piss in morse code:
Dot. Dot dot dot. Dot. Dot dot.
So I have to sit, otherwise I'm pissing on the floor. Or dribbling on it, more like it.
And now I have chronic GI problems, so my shitting is now like my pissing. My guts are tied in knots.
I read this thread with great jealousy.
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Vlad
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Post by Vlad on Sept 22, 2016 16:42:08 GMT -5
Elvis Fun Fact:
Due to his supernatural consumption of painkillers (and rich food), Elvis had an enlarged colon. The nerves in his colon were so badly damaged he literally could not take a shit near the end of his life. He spent a great deal of time in his washroom, and would refer to it as, ""going to read". Those were his last words, as said to his girlfriend: "I'm going to read."
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Post by no fukin way on Sept 22, 2016 17:16:37 GMT -5
am i taking pooping advice from shitty fukers :>(
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Post by FAQer on Sept 22, 2016 17:23:35 GMT -5
Psyllium, kale and a little cocout oil goes in my morning shakes. After my initial morning dump I also have my pot of coffee and hit the gym. The dump after the gym...jfc. I hit the MCT oil in my coffee and fiber bomb a protein shake. It's like my shit comes skipping out of a pool of KY jelly. Smoothest dumps possible.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 22, 2016 17:27:00 GMT -5
What's MCT oil? Sounds like I want some.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 22, 2016 17:43:25 GMT -5
am i taking pooping advice from shitty fukers :>( Yes, yes in fact you are.
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Post by Fasthands25 on Sept 22, 2016 17:46:09 GMT -5
i now shit 5-6 solid shits per day....wtf?? That tends to happen after hibernation.
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Post by rock5173 on Sept 22, 2016 21:09:14 GMT -5
I broke down and had a steak for the first time in 3 years...needless to say that didn't end well. Ended up getting a prescription for enulose......took a record 23 shits that night. Damn diverticulitis
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Post by Spencer on Sept 22, 2016 21:13:28 GMT -5
Jesus Christ man. I would have stopped counting. Also sorry to hear about the divertic....no one deserves that. Steak is too delicious.
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Post by rock5173 on Sept 22, 2016 21:20:12 GMT -5
Jesus Christ man. I would have stopped counting. Also sorry to hear about the divertic....no one deserves that. Steak is too delicious. the agony was worth it...that tomahawk ribeye was sooooo good
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Post by TitoOrtizIsAPunk on Sept 22, 2016 21:37:15 GMT -5
So you're mostly vegetarian?
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Post by rock5173 on Sept 22, 2016 21:40:21 GMT -5
So you're mostly vegetarian? no, I can eat chicken,seafood and pork or beef that is slow cooked so it breaks down easily. Steak or pork that is grilled fast just clogs me all up for several days. That's no good cuz I can get an infection so easily
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Post by TitoOrtizIsAPunk on Sept 22, 2016 22:19:39 GMT -5
So you're mostly vegetarian? no, I can eat chicken,seafood and pork or beef that is slow cooked so it breaks down easily. Steak or pork that is grilled fast just clogs me all up for several days. That's no good cuz I can get an infection so easily Would you be willing to try being a vegetarian for a couple of weeks?
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Post by rock5173 on Sept 22, 2016 22:44:57 GMT -5
no, I can eat chicken,seafood and pork or beef that is slow cooked so it breaks down easily. Steak or pork that is grilled fast just clogs me all up for several days. That's no good cuz I can get an infection so easily Would you be willing to try being a vegetarian for a couple of weeks? Negative
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Post by Spencer on Sept 22, 2016 22:46:53 GMT -5
Would you be willing to try being a vegetarian for a couple of weeks?negative.... This is the improperly quoted shame gif. Learn to quote on the new forum, and it won't happen to you again...
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 22, 2016 22:51:01 GMT -5
Vegetarian and even vegan are pretty damn good. I'm sure in Vegas they proably have some amazing places. It would help you out a lot Rocky.
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Post by rock5173 on Sept 22, 2016 22:56:13 GMT -5
Vegetarian and even vegan are pretty damn good. I'm sure in Vegas they proably have some amazing places. It would help you out a lot Rocky. I'm doing just fine...down 15 pounds so far this year. I eat a he'll of a lot more fruits and veggies than I ever did. A mango a day keeps me pooping just fine.
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Post by FAQer on Sept 22, 2016 23:35:27 GMT -5
What's MCT oil? Sounds like I want some. It's just the liquid from coconut oil. Medium Chain Triglyceride. Onnit sells a great one that's emulsified, so it mixes into anything, at any temperature. Multiple flavors too. I do the coconut flavor with a dash of French vanilla creamer (sissy milk as I call it) in my coffee. Ridiculously good. Very healthy fat. Good energy if you're fasting or low carbing too.
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